I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
