This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.