so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you