mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
