i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
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I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.