I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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