Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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