God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize