They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
