He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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