yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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