U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
