Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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