Dual....:-)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
