I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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