I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
