my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
