Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We left the knife in your bed.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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