This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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