i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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