Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
