Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
