I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
