I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
