I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's never too late to be topless.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dicks are not precious.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
