i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
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He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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