Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize