Your mouth is God's brothel.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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