I can text with my tongue
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
this boner is exhausting
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
