So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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