Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
