yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
