why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
