dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You were trust falling into bushes
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
