i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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