alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she told me i tasted like america
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
