I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
