Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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