I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
