Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
