I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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