Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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