just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
