i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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