Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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