It's Friday. Sex?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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