I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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