What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
