Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
