Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
