I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
