Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
