that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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