they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
