I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
