I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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