I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
