Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You pole danced in your parka.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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