I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
