drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
