I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
