I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
