You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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