My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize