gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
