tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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