I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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