nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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