Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
