I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
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Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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